Day in the Life Winter 2018

I skipped the Fall 2017 installment of the ole blog due to crazy busy stuff with a three month-old baby and an unanticipated move.  My last post was the day William was born, which will be a very tough act to follow.  But day in the life has been on my mind for months, as I don't want to get too far behind.  For several weeks, I've been contemplating taking the plunge into a documented day, so today is finally it.  A relatively typical Saturday with the fam.

Key players: Yours truly (38)
                      BW (38)
                      JW (5)
                      WW (6 months)

4:30 am  I am roused from a deep slumber to a smallish human silhouette hovering over my face whispering "Mama, Mama.  My hand itches.  Right here."  Huh?  What?  Ok.  Slowly heave myself out of bed and down the hall.  Get lotion for the itchy hand crisis and re-tuck him into bed.  I believe this was my 4th time out of bed during the night.  Seems like there was a bad dream issue early in the night, then a couple pacifier retrievals in there somewhere.  Ugh.  Thankfully, I do fall back to sleep for those precious early morning hours.

7:30 am  I wake up on my own clock.  Ahhh, that is so nice.  Brian has already gotten up with both mini humans, which is wonderful.  I can handle the middle of the night crap when I'm able to sleep later in the morning.  I stumble downstairs to find them all lounging around.  B and I quickly do a baby hand-off, as he needs to catch up on work this morning.  I get some coffee, J has toast, I put on a Fixer Upper but don't actually see any of it.  J works on Tinker Toys, and W slobbers on Tinker Toys.  It's all fairly peaceful and a nice way to start the weekend.

8:30 am  W is starting to hum and rub his eyes, so I head upstairs with him for our morning happy nappy ritual.  We leave J downstairs to play his beloved ipad.  William is so sweet during his baba time, petting my hands, humming through his drinking, slowly closing his eyes and drifting off into a sweet 6 month-old dreamland.  Night night, sweet angel.

8:45 am  I hustle bustle around the house doing my daily straightening.  Toys, dirty clothes (most of which, are Brian's, cue eye roll), dishes, get laundry started.  Brian strolls into the family room for some underwear yoga, and JDub and I tease him relentlessly about documenting him in his undies for the blog.  He yells and screams at us through his yoga poses, and we crack up at him.  I unload J's backpack and am reminded we are supposed to be working on a project for the 100th day of school.  Ugh.  I don't mind projects, but 100th day of school?  Really?  Is it really that special?  Jeez.  Begrudgingly plan to do that later this afternoon.

9:30 am  We are all upstairs and about to get ready for the day, but today absolutely needs to be a haircut day.  Jonathan is starting to look like the progeny of a California surfer with a Midwestern street urchin.  Brian and I are getting our "salon" prepped when JDub happily marches upstairs screeching at his ipad.  Of course, this wakes the baby prematurely from his happy nappy.  Awesome.  Today will be amazing.  But I don't have the heart to scold a 5 year-old for being happy in his own home on a lovely Saturday morning.  So we press on with the haircuts, baby in his bouncy seat.  This whole time of me going Edward Scissorhands on B and then J is absolutely crazy.  Baby screeching shrieks of joy.  B and J both yelling out chicken noises.  And J intermittently screaming "Puxatony Phil!!!" in a backwoods Southern accent.  Aih yih yeiah.  When it's his turn, he hides and refuses a before photo.  He is especially squirmy during the haircut and needs many reminders to be still.  At one point, I have my scissorhands up in his hair, and he declares "Mama, I can see tiny hairs coming out of your armpit."  Righty-oh, my darling.  Thank you!  Note to self: shave pits today.  Other random commentary includes things like this: "Mama?  Want to know my two wishes?  For donuts to cover the sky and for a flying unicorn.  I mean, a pet pig.  Nevermind the unicorn."  Haha!  Noted.

10:30 am  Haircuts are officially complete.  I get myself in the shower while B cleans up all the mess.  J runs wild, and baby continues to bounce.  At the end of my shower, I call J in.  He has just recently shown an interest in showers, as opposed to baths.  Brian has been the one to teach him all the showering process, but it looks like I will give it the ole mom try this morning.  We get him all soapy and rinse the itchy little hairs off.  He poses for an after pic, Blue Steel.  Brian has taken the baby into the loft for another baba.  I start painting the barn, switch the laundry over, and stumble into this sweetness that melts my heart.  I adore seeing the two of them have fun together and always try to instill in them that brothers are best friends for life.  I pry myself away from the brother bonding to finish getting myself ready for the day.

11:30 am  I am dressed and ready.  And absolutely starving.  I normally eat breakfast, but I don't even know where the time has gone today.  Brian insists we go out for lunch to a Greek place he recently discovered.  We change the baby, get organized, and jump in the car.  B finds his way to the place (1.5 miles from our house) without GPS, and we laugh about how far he's come in life.  Also during those 4 minutes, William falls asleep.  Of course.  Argh.  A second nap that will be much too short.  We order our lunch and sit outside.  An amazing 87 degrees on February 3rd.  The food is truly delicious.  B was right about this place.  Mmmmm!  Through the whole thing, baby sits quietly in his car seat, allowing us to eat.  Thank you so much, angel baby face!  Brian and Jonathan discuss animal dismemberment, weapons, tools, and other manly things I truly do not understand in any way shape or form.  We ooo and ahh at Jonathan's big teeth coming in.  Baby gets a teensy bit antsy toward the end, so B rigs up a baby contraption.  This is brilliant, yet it also puts him into yet another cat nap situation that is much too short.  Delightful.  I am seriously dreading the afternoon, having an under-rested baby.  But he's so easy-going about basically everything.  Such a sweetheart.  So I tell myself 'who cares'?  Let him cat nap.

12:30 pm  We head home.  Here's a bit of the non-stop JDub backseat commentary during this short drive: "Pigs are dirtier than humans when they dump.  Can moms go dump too?  Or just dads?"  And he is dead serious about all this.  No joking around.  B and I are quietly dying in the front seat and snickering under our breath while trying to take the boy's comments and questions seriously.  He feels terribly rejected and embarrassed when anyone laughs at him, but he's just so damn funny!  But we somehow make it home in tact.

12:45 pm  Unload everyone and everything from the car.  And we decide it's a great time to work on our fireplace renovation project.  I had previously picked up a wood beam that we've planned to use for a mantle.  B hauls it out of the trunk and into the driveway.  We bust out the hammers, chisels, and blow torch.  Time for distress!  Jonathan is in heaven, getting to beat the crap out of the beam.  But B and I cannot stop cringing.  He is not being the best listener about safety instructions.  I send him over to whack at a pile of crates, and he happily obliges.  At some point in there, he hijacks my beach chair and finds that hilarious.  Through all of this, there is non-stop talking and commentary (as always).  I have mentioned this issue in previous blog posts, and it continues to be the case -- when he is at home, and it's just our family around, this child does not shut up.  Does not.  His stream of consciousness is constantly coming out his mouth.  When he's in public or around other people, he's definitely quieter, but it's a completely different story at home.  Although it's sometimes a challenge to keep up with it, I truly adore this characteristic about him.  I want to know what's on his mind, and I want him to always know he can tell us anything.  Plus, he's freaking hilarious.  One nugget I remembered to document went like this: "I know about last names.  I know about Pedigo and Crutchfield.  And I know what Crutchfield means.  It means it's a field full of ... corn."  HAHA!  I also finally snap some baby pics and post a 30-week collage update of cutie pie William.  He eventually gets a bit fussy, so I take him inside for some floor time.  He's a roly poly and oh so cute.  We also play some piano, which reminds me I've been wanting to look for one of my old baby photos of me playing the piano.  We go upstairs and actually find the photo quickly. Play some more piano, and he's so cute just banging away.

2:00 pm  William and I head back outside to check on the mantle project, and we find the two guys are blow torching it.  It looks great.  But I also see a small pile of wood shavings, which they have lit on fire in the middle of the driveway.  What the?  This irritates me to no end.  We have a fire pit.  Why are they setting a fire on the driveway?  JDub quickly reaches for a woodscrap and comes millimeters away from burning his hand.  Ahh!  I declare "I can't be out here" and go back inside.  I secretly and passive-aggressively think to myself "dear husband, you can be the one who takes him to the hospital and answers to CPS."  I think B senses my irritation as I go back inside, as I hear him telling J they need to put out the fire.  Yep.  Yep you do.

2:30 pm  The guys come inside and are finished with the mantle destruction.  I am feeling a bit tired, even though I got to sleep in this morning.  The baby is acting a little fussy, and I jump the gun.  I think about how a nice peaceful nap/quiet time sounds glorious right about now.  So I swoop the baby upstairs for a baba and a hopeful happy nappy, leaving J downstairs to catch up on his one true love: ipad.  Brian ducks back into his office to continue catching up on emails.  The baby is especially wiggly through the bottle and doesn't show one ounce of fatigue.  He coos and smiles through his baba and reaches for my face.  I pretend to eat his fingers, and he giggles with glee, spewing milk everywhere.  He is so cute, but I really want him to have a decent nap today.  We have plans to go to the Pastores' for dinner, and I don't want to miss out on fun conversation if I'm needing to pace the hallways with an overtired baby.  Happy nappy needs to commence.  Despite no signs of legitimate fatigue, I transfer William to his crib and hope for the best.  Night night, sweetheart.

2:45 pm  I head downstairs and join JDub at the counter.  I would love to get this blog write-up started.  I open the blog link and already hear the baby crying.  Dang it.  Although he's got to be tired from no decent morning nap, I highly doubt he will actually sleep at this moment.  I give up hope for a nap right now.  Retrieve the bouncy baby, who is clearly wide awake.  Bring him downstairs for some bouncy time.  Put on an Ina.  Bring my computer to the floor, in a desperate attempt to just sit quietly.

3:15 pm  I have gotten a few paragraphs written, and baby is starting to rub his eye.  Thank you baby Jesus in a manger!  Please, oh pretty please, let this happy nappy be for real?!  As I am taking him upstairs, Brian and Jonathan get a load of clean laundry and fold it up.  They also make our bed with clean sheets, which is awesome.  William does indeed go down for an afternoon happy nappy, praise be.  We all head back downstairs for more computer time.  I continue writing up this blog post, J whoops and hollers at his ipad, and B begrudgingly pushes through more emails.

4:00 pm  I am all caught up for now, and it's about time to start getting prepared for a fun evening with some of our best friends.  As always, we're all looking forward to hanging out with them.  There are a few texts exchanged about the upcoming dinner.  Wow.  The wine.  Mmm.  And I suspect the boys' adrenaline is starting to get amped from the anticipation of tonight. Baby wakes up on his own timing somewhere in there, thank goodness.  We all change clothes.  Pack the diaper bag.  Last-minute organizations.  Somehow nearly an hour passes, and we jump in the car.

4:45 pm  We start making our way to the Pastore house, and I text them an apology we will be 30 min late.  How are we constantly late now that we have 2 kids?  We used to be early everywhere we went.  Hmmm.  But they are gracious about it, and we make the drive.  I snap a photo of my newest Yvonne acquisition, which I will be wearing everyday until February 15th.  Jonathan is especially talkative and inquisitive.  Lots of questions.  What kind of sign is on your building, Daddy?  Is it a map of California?  Or just California?  Is it all the states?  Or just California?  What's a cemetery?  Is it boring there?  He mixes in lots of minion/caveman grunts and noises along the way.  William happily bats and swats his carseat toys.  JDub gets going with a Simon game at some point.

5:30 pm  We arrive at their house.  The sunset is amazing.  We all greet each other, and it's such a happy time of friendship.  The boys immediately run off and start all their boy time wildness.  The adults (plus William) wander into the kitchen, which smells like heaven.  I attempt to hand William over to Jessica, and he promptly starts his pouty lip face followed by bawling.  His tear-filled eyes pierce my heart with his non-verbal "why are you torturing me like this?"  wails.  I assure him that Jessica loves him, take him back, and he promptly starts flirting with him.  We pour some glasses and start catching up.  It always feels so comfy, and we pick up right where we left off.  All four of us get along so well, and we just adore their whole family.  I suppose there's good reason they're some of our best friends in the world and our boys' godparents.  We sit on their beautiful patio, which feels like an absolute spa.  Their fountain running in the background feels like instant relaxation.  Jessica and I catch up about various and sundry things.  The guys do some show & tell (I think).

6:30 pm  We sit down to an amazing dinner of roasted prime rib, perfectly baked potatoes, and salad.  The boys eat hot dogs with Pringles, so we all rave about how tasty the food is.  William bounces in his chair and lets us eat.  There is never a lull in the conversation, just constant chatting and enjoying each other's company.

7:30 pm  The boys have been begging to start making s'mores, as they finished their dinners within 30 seconds.  We all make our way back to the patio.  The boys have a blast jamming their mallow-stacked skewers into the fire and setting them ablaze.  They run around, diving in and out of the house.  Canoli seems to have found his favorite -- Brian -- and snuggles up for some pets.  Brian holds the baby and the doggie while we all continue chatting.  William dozes off, and we all comment about how peaceful and cute babies are while they sleep ... and then they wake up.

9:00 pm  The time has flown, and I am shocked to look at my phone and see the time.  Holy crap, we need to go!  We start packing our stuff up.  Lots of hugs goodbye and thank yous.  We pile in the car and head home.  Both boys are immediately asleep.  I drive since B indulge in more vino than I did.  He sorts through the photos of the evening and texts Frank and Jessica some of the gems.

10:00 pm  We arrive home.  B carries J up to his room, which is thankfully uninterrupted and uneventful.  I leave W in his carseat while I run upstairs to wash my face and do my little nighttime routine.  In the middle of my regimen, he wakes up screaming.  B retrieves him and staves him off while I finish getting myself ready.  I eventually finish up and snuggle up with a smiley babykins for one last baba.

11:00 pm  Baby is sound asleep.  I transfer the angel to his crib with several extra kisses goodnight.  Sleep tight, sweetheart.  Check on Jonathan, who is sprawled out, legs hanging off the bed, snoring like a college boy.  Ahhh, evidence of a wonderful day.  Mama loves you, sweet baby.  I carefully open our bedroom door, so as to creep in without disturbing B's sleep but quickly realize I won't wake this snoring bear.  I settle in, and the pillow feels like heaven on my cheek.  My body quickly slows down and sinks into the bed, and I drift off into delightful rest.

11:15 pm  Whhhhhaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!  Omg what the?  Where am I?  What was that?  I feel like I've slept a full night, as I'm woken by a screaming, horrified baby.  Holy crap.  I go in for a pacifier retrieval, but he will have nothing to do with it.  He's especially out of sorts, and I suspect going to be late will result in an exceptionally awful night.  Awesome.  He cries and screams and will not even recognize that I'm there, trying to help him.  I pick him up and try shushing him with a pacifier.  No luck.  He is uncharacteristically upset.  I fairly quickly realize I should just let him cry for a bit.  Tuck him back in with some attempted words of comfort that he can't hear through his wails.  Jonathan and Brian sleep through this whole circus.  I head back to bed, wide awake now.  Listen to the cries, which become slower and more pitiful within about 30 seconds.  After about 2 minutes, he seems back to sleep.  I cautiously allow myself to start drifting off again, but I'm wary that I'll be woken again.  Miraculously, I'm not.  We all sleep through until the morning, which is never something to take for granted.

As always, reflecting back on the mundane details of a typical day in the life gets me right in the feels.  It makes me so sentimental and reminds me of how much we have to be thankful for.  I love Brian and the boys more than my heart can even handle.  How did I ever get so lucky?  Seriously?  We have friends who feel like family.  What a fun, fairly typical, relaxing Saturday.  In spite of some minor frustrations and paranoia about nap times, it was truly a great day.  There are piles of folded laundry on our bedroom floor and a load of clean clothes getting wrinkled in the dryer.  There's also a dumb school project that will get pushed to another day.  But oh well.  We have each other.  And fun.  Ahhh.  Life is good, and I am thankful.

Not Exactly a Day in the Life Summer 2017

TMI Warning:  Childbirth with all its beautifully nasty details are discussed in depth.  Enter at your own risk!

Date:               Friday July 7, 2017

Key Players:   Pleasantly plump pregnant lady (39 weeks, 1 day)
                        Basketcase of a dad-to-be
                        Excited big brother-to-be
                        Bunny (arrived the day before)

Setting of the scene:  For the past few weeks, Mr. William had been quite the acrobat.  He flipped from breech to head-down four times, completely on his own.  Surely an Olympic gold is in his future.  On Wednesday of this week, I had an OB appointment where my doctor decided it best to induce on Friday before this crazy guy went breech again.  Induction appointment scheduled for Friday at 4pm.  OMG, this is happening!  It's really happening!  During the appointment, she also stripped my membranes.  If you've never experienced that delight, just imagine someone being elbow-deep in your reproductive tract and then punching the inside of your uterus.  Highly recommend.  But in any case, I do believe that little gem of a technique works for me.  It sent me into labor with JDub, and I also started having very mild contractions with William later this night.  Milder than menstrual cramps continue off and on all day Thursday and Friday, accompanied by that super yummy slimy mucousy bloody discharge.  And for all of you throwing up in your mouth right now, let me redirect you to that TMI warning above, hehe.  Keep reading ... if you dare.

Friday, July 7th
2:00 pm  I am all showered fresh and purdy for the big event.  Some jittery nerves have set in, but I'm actually mostly excited.  I cannot wait to meet this little miracle, and my fear of reliving JW's traumatic delivery have lightened.  I've basically come to an acceptance that childbirth sucks.  However it happens -- natural, with drugs, c-section, or whatever else -- it will be painful, and there will be a recovery.  So let's do this!  The appointment isn't until 4:00, but I am anxious to go ahead and go.  Brian, Jonathan, Bunny and I pile into the car and head toward the hospital.

3:00 pm  Arrive at Kaiser, and it's hotter than hades outside.  Like melt your face off hot.  113 degrees, to be precise.  We walk into the hospital, and there goes my freshly showered thing.  Just the walk across the parking lot has me sweating profusely.  Since we have some time to kill, we head toward the oncology ward in hopes of visiting Dr. Fu, who treated Brian's cancer in 2008.  I am fighting back tears through all the elevators and hallways, reminiscing about all the trauma that ensued 9 years ago and that today (literally today), this 9-year chapter of life will finally be over.  And over in such a happy wonderful way.  So surreal yet so emotional.  We make our way to Dr. Fu's office and try to finagle a drop-in appointment.  The secretary seems enthusiastic and hopeful, but after a 15 minute wait for the doctor, she reports he is too busy to visit.  Bummer.  But not too surprised.  I bet he has no memory of Brian.  Normally, it would be somewhat sad or rejecting to be forgotten, but in the world of cancer treatment, I suppose it's good to be forgotten by your oncologist.  Anyway, we move on through the hospital, having killed a little time.

3:30 pm  Arrive at labor & delivery.  We walk in all smiley, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed and are greeted by several nurses at the reception desk who give us looks like "who are you, and why are you bothering us?"  One of them is extra feisty and barks there are no available beds right now, and she'll call us when they're ready for us.  Wut?  Huh?  Head shake.  No no no, you don't understand, girlfriend.  I have an appointment.  Uh-POINT-ment.  She explains that all this 100+ degree heat is putting people into labor, and they have more triage situations than usual.  She'll call us when there's an open bed.  U-to-the-G-to-the-H!  Damn it, I was all mentally prepared to do this thing.  Stay calm, Laura, stay calm.  It'll probably be an hour or two, but this will still happen soon.  We all hem and haw about what to do.  Stay?  Go?  Kill time somewhere else?  Traffic is awful, so we can't go anywhere too far.  If we go somewhere, it must be indoors because of the heat.  Oh, and we have a 5 year-old in tow.  So it must be somewhat kid friendly. We decide to go get food.

4:00 pm  Arrive at the Habit for burgers.  It is unbelievably hot outside.  Like Baghdad hot.  Just getting in and out of the car is brutal.  We order some food, and it's exceptionally tasty.  Super mild contractions with yummy ooey gooey mucus crap discharging throughout all this.  J is getting a bit restless.  Heck, we're all restless.  I really want to get this show on the road, and I'm getting worried that the appointment could be pushed back to tomorrow.  Not only would that be a giant tease, but I've been hoping this boy might get the coolest birthdate ever (7-7-17).  Pushing the appointment to tomorrow would obviously foil that little plan.  Dang it, why haven't they called yet?  B pushes me to stalk and harass them; no waiting around for them.  But I am hesitant to bother them since they were already annoyed.  Will this be like irritating a waitress, who then spits in your food?  But I really want this appointment to happen today, so I reluctantly agree to call in the car.

5:00 pm  We sit in the scorching hot car with a/c blasting in our faces.  My heart is beating faster as the phone rings.  Please let me talk to someone nice, please let it be someone nice.  Ahh, it's Tiffany, the feisty one.  Yay.  She is super crabby and snaps at me that she still has no open beds.  B pushes me to ask about switching hospitals.  What about Fontana?  What about Moreno Valley?  Can we go there?  She snaps that those are not options because they're not sister hospitals with Riverside.  Whatever that means.  Ok, then can you patch me through to my doctor?  She's not here.  Huh?  It's 5:00, and my appointment was scheduled for 4:00.  Why isn't she there?  Oh she never arrives until 5:30.  Gat dang, this whole thing is getting to me.  I am so frustrated, yet I'm paranoid about a pissy waitress spitting in my food.  So I apologize for bothering her and explain that I am just anxious to get in today and am worried the appointment will be pushed to tomorrow.  She seems to soften up a bit.  A tiny bit.  She says she understands and will call us at 5:30 with an update.  We hem and haw about what to do for 30 more minutes.

5:10 pm  Arrive at a nearby Walgreens and offer to find Jonathan a prize for being such a great sport about all this.  Wander the toy isle for what seems an eternity.  Super mild contractions continue through all this, and my undies are nice and disgusting by now.  Sick.  Time really seems to stand still.  We agree that we'll stay local until the next phone update.  If they still don't have beds at that time, we'll head home and give up for today.  My nerves are really getting up there, but I work hard to contain them.  I do not want to relive the emotional roller coaster of induction with no available beds drama that happened at JW's birth.  I don't want JW to sense that anything is wrong, and I don't want to let myself be discouraged.  It takes an eternity and a day, but J finally decides on a baseball toy that he wants as his prize.  Phew. 

5:30 pm  Arrive back at Kaiser, ready to wait for this supposed phone call.  We're all doubtful that Miss Tiffany sourpuss attitude will even call.  But sure enough, my phone rings at 5:33.  My heart races.  Oh dear Lord, let her have good news.  Hi Hun, this is Tiffany.  Ok we can get you in at 6:00 today.  Or 6:15.  Well, probably 6:00.  Ok?  OMG yes!  OK!  Thank you thank you thank you!  Ahhh, relief.  This is happening.  It's really happening.  We kill a few minutes in the car, playing with J's new baseball toy.  I am so distracted, though, I can barely fake anything playful.  At some point in there, B takes J to the bathroom.  Bunny and I chat for a moment in the car.  She offers prayers of thanks for this sweet baby and a safe delivery.  It's a tender time, and I'm beginning to get more emotional about what is about to ensue.  It's now close to 6:00.  I am wanting to sprint upstairs to the L&D floor, but my giant belly, goo-filled undies, and continued heat from hell prevent me from doing so.  Yeah, I can't move that fast.  But it's finally time for B and me to say goodbye to Bunny and our first miracle sweetheart.  Our first baby has been so good through all this nonsense.  And saying goodbye to him suddenly hurts.  We lock eyes, but I can't get any words out.  The next time I see him, life will be different.  And I don't want him to be afraid to be separated from us tonight.  I muster out some I love yous and goodbyes, and we both shed tears.  My heart is hurting.  I want this life change so badly, yet I will miss my life with only J terribly.  I am excited.  I am terrified.  The frog in my throat is intense.  I don't want to scare this sweet boy.  Pull it together, Laura.  Pull it together.  Mama loves you so much, sweetheart.  You have some great dreams tonight, and I can't wait to see you in the morning with baby William.  That will be so wonderful!  We part ways, and I tearfully walk into the hospital with my love toting all our overnight stuff by my side.

6:00 pm  Arrive at labor & delivery. During our short walk up here, B and I have mentally prepared for another waiting game.  But to our shock, they shuffle us into a room without any delay.  Good lord, this is happening.  Omg. Don't think about it.  Don't freak out.  Get stripped down and into an awesome hospital gown.  Assess the room situation.  B and I have nervous jitters.  But I'm mostly excited at this point.  Let's do this!  My doctor arrives and greets us in her usual friendly way.  We exchange some comments about the delay and confusion, and everyone is excited to move forward.  She checks me, which is an absolute joy.  Pause, not. Why does that have to hurt so bad?  Even with the experience of childbirth in my history, that lil ole cervical check still hurts like a mother.  She declares I'm already dilated to a 3.  Yay!  So all those tiny cramps and nasty discharge may have been productive!  She decides while she's all up in my business that she'll do another membrane sweep.  Holy mother of God!  Blasted hell, she strips the shit out of whatever membranes are up there, and it hurts like an absolute nightmare!  B and I are both cringing through all that, and the doctor is all enthusiastic.  You're doing great!  Let's get some pit going, and I'll wait to see about breaking your water until later.  And you wanted an epidural, right?  Oh heck yeah.  Ok, since you're already at a 3, you can get that whenever you want.  Are you serious?  Sure, why not?  Ok this is excellent.  Let's just do it now, then.  Sure thing!  Wow, I can't even imagine having a baby with basically no labor pains.  She leaves, and some nurses are in and out with questions.

7:00 pm  Anesthesiologist arrives with an epi cart.  Oh, be still, my heart.  He is very chatty and friendly through the whole thing.  It's so different this time around.  I'm just sitting on the edge of the bed, facing Brian, we're all three talking and laughing.  No pain.  No contractions.  Unlike last time, where I was about to come out of my own skin with the pain while the anesthesiologist coached me in breathing so I would hold still.  Wow, this is the way to have a baby.  He's done.  Time to lounge around and wait.  I slowly start to feel my legs getting heavy.  Tingly.  Weird.  Wow I feel weird.  Like on the verge of panic weird.  My legs.  I'm all about a pain-free delivery, but since I felt fine before the epi, I'm now feeling out of control with the numbness.  With J's, the numbness was such a relief.  This doesn't feel like relief though.  Just weird.  I'm fighting off panic.  Lots of panic.  I'm not used to this.  Is this what a panic attack feels like at the beginning?  Jeez I don't want to lose control.  Pull it together, Laura.  Pull it together.  Nurses are in and out through all this, asking about my legs.  I let someone know I'm feeling very panicky.  Oh it's probably just the numbness.  Your heart rate is ok, sweetie, and the baby is doing great.  You'll feel better in a minute.  Ok.  Take her word for it.  Please, brain, take her word for it.  Slowly, I become completely numb from the waste down, and the panic does subside.  Phew.

9:00 pm  Dr. Chou does another lovely cervical check, which I thankfully cannot feel at all.  Ahh, check away, doctor!  Well, you're still at a 3.  But that's fine.  The pitocin is titrated up, so it sometimes takes a while to get things going.  I bet by 4 or 5 am things will be different, wink.  Aww, I start letting go of my hope to have a baby on 7-7-17.  Darn.  But not a huge darn at this point.  Just a small darn, as I'm just wanting him to be here safely.  B and I chat through these hours.  We put on a Seinfeld re-run and pay no attention to it.  Nurses are in and out, flipping me from one side to another and cramming a peanut ball between my knees.  They are so kind and friendly.  Seriously, L&D nurses (with the exception of Miss Tiffany) are just angelic.  I share with them my fears and concerns about re-living a traumatic delivery.  They are so sensitive and supportive and offer tons of reassurance that this time will be better.  I desperately want to believe them.  At some point, I realize that I should be believing them because aside from those few moments of near-panic, this has been a breeze compared to last time.  Ok Laura, believe them.  Believe them.  This will work out fine.  Everything will go ok.  Just relax.  The hours tick by.  More chats.  At some point, I surprisingly doze off.

Saturday July 8th
12:30 am  Ka-POW!  JOLT!!  Oh dear god, what was that?!?!  Omg I am jolted from this doze by the most powerful POW.  Not painful, just POW!  What was that?!  My heart is pounding out of my chest, and I could run a marathon with this adrenaline.  Forget the epidural and numb legs.  I am shaken by this massive jolt, and my heart is beating out of my chest.  I swear I even heard the jolt, whatever it was.  Brian.  Brian!  Wake up!  Something happened.  My voice is shakey with all this adrenaline.  Something happened.  Call the nurse.  I don't know what happened, but I think my water may have broken?  Within a few seconds, a new nurse comes in and confirms that yep, the water broke.  She cleans me up a bit and checks me.  Dilated to 6.  Ok good!  I've calmed down a bit and am happy to hear the ole cervix is opening up.  The nurse explains that labor will probably start going faster from here on, and just call her if I start feeling any pressure.  Like pressure in my bottom.  Ok will do.  She leaves the room.  Ten seconds later, I have so much pressure in my butt I cannot believe it.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Heee heee, hooo hoo.  Holy crap this is intense.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Ok a slight break.  It's lessening.  Ok phew.  Maybe that was just a weird contraction that happened right after the whole water drama?  Oopf nope.  Here comes another one.  Hot damn, that's some pressure up my ass.  Is this normal?  Wtf?  Heeeee heeeee.  Hoooo hooooo.  Omg I'm shaking to the point of convulsing.  Like teeth chattering shaking.  My body is going crazy.  But this pressure in my butt is too distracting to panic.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Ok another wave passes.  What is this?  Brian is starting to freak out.  I'm calling a nurse, I'm calling a nurse!  No no, don't panic.  She just checked me 10 minutes ago, and I was only a 6.  Let's give it until 1:00 and then call if we need to.  Ok.  Oh no, here comes another one.  And another.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Son of a motherless uncle, that butt pressure is unbelievable!  Shaking.  Breathing.  Omg.

1:00 am  Brian promptly picks up the phone and calls the nurse.  Laura is having a lot of pressure.  Ok we'll be right there.  Within a minute, the same nurse as before arrives.  Ok honey let's see how you're doing.  Do you feel any pressure?  Ummm ... yes.  Yes I do.  Like you have to go #2?  Yep, that would be a great way to describe it.  The most gigantic #2 any human has ever passed in the history of mankind.  Oh my dear lord.  Breathe.  Breathe.  She ever so calmly decides to check me again.  You were just at a 6, but let's see if you've progressed any more ok honey?  Ok.  Oh my god, he's right there!  He's going to deliver himself!  I'll be right back.  I need to get supplies.  He's coming out!  Heeeee heeee.  Hoooo hoooo.  Butt pressure out the wazoo.  Omg this is happening.  Oh Lord, please get him here safely.  Heeee. Hoooo.  Heeeee.  Breathe.

1:10 am  A couple nurses or midwives roll me onto my back.  He's coming out, honey.  Just push.  No problem.  My body pushes out of instinct.  Ok.  Take a breath.  Alright honey, push one more time.  Sure thing.  Guuuuusssshh!  Relief!  And the cutest, most precious little life of joy is hurled up on my chest.  He's here!  He's here!  Brian and I burst into happy gleeful tears of relief and joy.  William wiggles and cries.  Nurses are wiping him vigorously.  We're all smiling and laughing.  Oh my God, thank you!  Thank you!

1:15 am  Dad, do you want to cut the cord?  Ok right here.  Just snip.  Snip.  Chuckles, tears, baby cries.  Everyone is happy.  Suddenly the privacy curtain by the door flings wide.  Dr. Chou comes running in, her hair flying back.  She stops dead in her tracks with a look of confusion.  Huh?  What happened?  He's here!  He came on his own!  What?  Are you serious?  You just paged me!  I know, he was in a hurry!  She shakes her head with a look of mixed delight and disappointment.  She comes to my side.  I have tears streaming.  So this is what a normal delivery is like?  Yes, so much better, right?  Yes, thank God!  She admires the baby's cuteness, and we all are laughing and sharing our amazement about how fast everything happened.

1:30 am  A midwife or doctor has been stitching up my lady bits and is just about finished.  Did you have an episiotomy?  No, not this time.  Did you have one before?  Yes.  Ok, you tore in the same places.  Oh wow.  Thank God for epidurals.  She declares I have 2nd degree tearing, but it's all external this time.  No biggie.  I can deal with external.  She is quick, and the whole repair process is a breeze compared to before.  Complete breeze.  Through all this, I'm holding a squirmy baby William.  He's then taken over to the warming table.  Weighs in at 7 lbs 6 oz, 20" long.  Gets some slime wiped over his eyes, a foot prick, and a Hep B shot.  He rightfully screams hysterically, and if it weren't for my numb legs, I would run over there to rescue him.  Oh my heart.  I hate that this is his welcome to the world.  I'm sorry, baby.  Eventually he's all wrapped up and brought over to me for some snuggles. The nurses are in and out, but the room settles down to be just Brian, William, and me.  I cannot stop staring at him.  B and I shed tears of joy and relief.  We all snuggle and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this boy's life and his epic entrance into the world.

2:00 am  Throughout the snuggly feels and time of bonding, my stomach is feeling a bit off.  Like a little reminiscent of all that morning sickness.  Ugh, it will pass.  It will pass.  B is eating a granola bar.  Ok maybe I should take a bite.  That usually took the edge off the morning sickness.  Take a bite.  Mmm, it's delicious.  Chug some water.  Mmmm.  I suppose it's been a while since I've eaten anything, and maybe I am just hungry.  An angel of a nurse comes in to check on us and give me some Motrin.  I am trying so hard to smile, but this nausea is getting worse.  Take the Motrin.  Oh boy.  I know this feeling all too well.  Not good.  B senses it.  You'd better get her a container, she's going to puke.  Oh ok.  She putzes at a mule's pace.  It's coming up now!  Oh!  She shoves a bucket in my face, and yaaaaaaaccck!  A bunch of poop-looking puke comes spewing out.  That one bite of chocolate granola bar mixed with water seriously makes the puke look like diarrhea.  Tears are streaming down my face, as they always do when I throw up.  So glamorous.  This is the shit no one talks about related to childbirth.  It's all happy happy joy joy, and no one ever talks about the nasty reality of what can happen when bringing a human life into the world.  You're welcome.  But honestly, a poopy looking puke is nothing compared to what happened when I delivered JW, so I'll take it.  The only thing is that I lost the Motrin.  Dang it. 

3:00 am  My legs are back, thank God.  The same nurse who caught my puke helps transfer me to a wheelchair.  Brian hands me our little miracle, and I insist on a photo.  We head to a recovery room, exhausted from all that's happened.  We spend the night holding sweet William, starting bottles, getting vitals checked every hour, and having random nurses pop in and out of the room.  So yeah, it's quite restful.

8:00 am  A nurse decides it's time for me to try peeing on my own.  Oh joy.  It takes some time and caution, but I eventually heave ho myself to the side of the bed and make my way (with her help) to the teensy tiny bathroom.  She gives me a tutorial on how to prepare my own diapers, and through all of this, I feel like my insides are going to plummet through my crotch to the floor.  I look down, and all kinds of bloody crap is coming out.  Not like get a blood transfusion blood gush, but still feels weird and is totally disgusting.  I am feeling quite tender in the nether regions, and she has me plop my butt down on the hospital toilet.  Ouch.  But more importantly ... eeeeeewwwwww!!!  I think the last time I actually sat on a public toilet was after I delivered Jonathan in 2012.  Huge no no.  Sick.  But I have no choice at the moment, and I pray the hospital janitors have done their jobs well.  Anyway, I sit and sit.  The nurse comes and goes.  I try to focus on letting out some pee.  But nothing.  Not even one drop.  Please let one drop come out so I can get back in bed for a while.  Please.  But the ole bladder won't cooperate.  Nothing.  The nurse is gracious and says I can try again in an hour.  She can't remove my IV until after I've peed, so I'm motivated to get better hydrated.  I head back to bed and start chugging the water.  I'm hesitant after the puke episode, but I feel a bit more normal now.  And I want this IV out of my arm.  So I drink.

9:00 am  Out comes the pee.  Like a gallon of pee.  Mixed with blood and all kinds of intra-uterine horror movie stuff that should be beautiful since it sustained this precious human life for 9 months, but it's just nothing but plain old gruesome.  Even as I write this, I'm not quite sure why I feel the need to describe the nasty details.  But for some reason, I feel the whole picture is important.  Childbirth is beautiful.  And horrifying.

11:00 am  I am dying to see my sweetheart Jonathan.  And he and Bunny arrive about this time.  He is so cute with his adorable little grin.  He quickly climbs up to give me a tender hug and meet his new brother.  He beams with pride, and my tears are free-flowing.  There are photos galore.  Brian and I recount the whole birth story to Bunny.  Through all of this, nurses are in and out to check vitals and ask questions.  Given all that's happened, I feel quite good.  Tired but good.  The baby is checked out as perfectly healthy, thank God.  I'm checking out as perfectly healthy, thank God.  We start getting hopeful that we can be discharged today and get back to home sweet home.  But no such luck.  We're informed that we'll need to keep the baby there for 24 hours, which would be into the middle of the night.  I'm disappointed to have to stay longer in the hospital, and very disappointed to break the news to Jonathan.  I don't want him to worry or miss us for another night away, although I know he's fine with Bunny.  But my heart is now in two places.  Oh motherhood.

5:00 pm  Jonathan and Bunny have stayed and hung out most of the day, but it's now time for them to head home.  Oh, I'll miss you again tonight, sweetheart.  Mama loves you so much, and when you come back in the morning, we'll all head home together.  Muaach.  Tears.  He is ok, and we all make the transition.  At some point, Brian and I get moved into a bigger recovery room, which is nice.  Through all of this, the baby just sleeps and lets out occasional coos.  Such a little dreamer.  My heart couldn't swell any more.  Throughout the night, nurses pop in and out.  We take turns holding the baby.  Brian is up and down, helping fetch whatever I need.  I stare at this adorable little life in my arms and wipe my tears off and on all night.  I watch a little Food Network.  More tears and all the feels.  I doze off a little here and there.

Sunday, July 9th
6:00 am  The sun is shining.  After another long night in the hospital, we're ready to get this show on the road.  We want discharge.  We want discharge.  The nurses tell us they'll try to get us out first today.  Jonathan and Bunny arrive about 10:00.  Tons of snuggles and photo shoots.  We finally get discharged at 12:00.  Head home, with a stop at Luna's for a celebratory take-out lunch.  I marvel at how much better I feel this time around.  I can't even imagine stopping for take-out on the way home after Jonathan's birth.  Thank God this all went so much better.

1:00 pm  We arrive home and find our adorable neighbors have gone above and beyond with a precious welcome sign.  They are so cute and thoughtful, I can hardly stand it.  Home, sweet home.  Ahhh.  Yes.  It's over.  But it's just the beginning.  We eat a wonderful lunch.  Angel baby snoozes off and on all day.  We overload our phones with pictures.  Jonathan is in and out of various playing.  That night, I stay up with my newest sweetheart William until about 3am.  Then I hand him over to Bunny and get a solid 5 hours of sleep.  Glorious.  Wow.  I awake feeling like a million bucks.  Well, a million bucks who just got the crap beat out of her unmentionables.  I move cautiously and slowly through the next few days.  At some point in there, my boobs explode.  I wish I could enjoy this second (and final) time I will ever have boobs in my life, but they hurt like a mother effer.  Like anyone who comes near them will get swatted.  Git!  Oh, the female body.  You're so beautifully complicated.

Wednesday, July 12th
11:30 am  I am finishing up this blog post while Bunny has taken J to a trampoline park, B is doing a doctor depo in his office, and angel face William is peacefully snoozing right beside me.  I am tired, sitting in my own diaper with crazy sore body parts.  But I'm functional.  And good.  I love this little human more than any blog or words could ever express.  The same goes for Jonathan and Brian.  There are certain types of love that just cannot be captured.  My heart is so full, it just overflows in tearful gushes all the time.  I'm sure hormones play some role there, but they don't account for everything.  These emotions are legitimate gratitude for my precious family, who I came so close to never having.   I could not be any more grateful for how this birth experience went.  And more importantly that William is here safely and perfectly healthy.  God has been so kind to me.  After all the trauma we've endured with cancer, infertility, 4 cycles of IVF, hopes and dreams shattered, etc etc etc ... this is one gorgeous way to close that chapter.  I've got tears dripping down my dark-circled sleep-deprived eyes, and life couldn't be any more beautiful.